Nov 15, 2024
Welcome, you sick bastards, to the latest episode of "The Goin' Deep Show," where we dive headfirst into the cesspool of human depravity, and this time, it's all thanks to our new co-host, Red-Eye. Yeah, that's right, the old Red-Eye got the boot for being a total pussy so we just replaced his fucking bitch ass name with a real bitch.
It’s a new era of crass, with Red-Eye II a, whose first act was to watch some dude smear his hairy butthole against a phone booth like it was the Mona Lisa. Classy, right? If you thought that was the peak of our bullshit, you're in for a treat.
Red-Eye, with her eagle ears, has turned eavesdropping into an art form. She can tell you who's gonna fuck who just by the slurred whispers of the drunk and desperate. It's like she's got a sixth sense for when someone's about to make a life choice they'll regret in the morning light.
And let's talk about the public service she's providing by cock-blocking every sleazebag in sight. She's got no qualms about telling a woman she's about to go home with a walking STD. Red-Eye's not just a bartender; she's a goddamn guardian angel for the wasted, saving them from the horrors of bad decisions.
Oh, and we've got plans, you filthy animals. We're taking this debauchery on the road, aiming to make the other drunk cities look like nuns at a tea party. Because if there's one thing we excel at, it's turning a good night into a night you'll spend in therapy.
But the crown jewel of this episode? The tale of the creepy fucker taking unauthorized ass pics. Red-Eye put him in his place faster than you can say "delete that shit." Remember, if you're gonna perv, do it with consent, or prepare to get your ass literally kicked out.
So, what have we learned? Don't be a creep, don't smear your ass where people talk, and if you're gonna do acrobatics, make sure your junk isn't the main attraction. That's the wisdom from The Kid A.G., and our new queen of cringe, Red-Eye. Tune in next time for more tales that'll make your mother weep.
The Red-Eye Revolution: "Fuck the old Red-Eye! He's out like a used condom. Here's the new bitch, Red-Eye, who's gonna make your eyes red from gagging on this episode's bullshit.
The Phone Booth Ass Parade: "Some drunk fuck decided to make the phone booth his personal ass canvas, painting with his hairy sphincter.
Eavesdropping Like a Pro: "With ears like a fucking spy satellite, Red-Eye eavesdrops on sloppy drunk confessions, predicting who's gonna fuck who.
Cock-Blocking - A Public Service: "Red-Eye's not just pouring shots; she's pouring cold water on douchebags' boners. She'll tell you straight up if that guy's only good for jerking off to his own reflection.
Drunk City Road Trip: "We're the drunkest city in this godforsaken state, so why not take our shitshow on the road?
The Creep Cam Chronicles: "Caught in the act! Some prick was snapping pics of chicks' asses without asking.
Closing Fuckery: "Don't be a creep with your camera, keep your hairy butt away from public property, and if you're going to do headstands, make sure you're not flashing your junk to the world.
